Missing Family

I can't wait for September !!!

I am so lonley for my family.
My Daddikins.
My sissers.
My bro.
And the whole rest of the clan - Stevenson's and Browne's and extras!!!
I must say that I have the best family in the/my world.
How else can I feel?
I've been away from my home town since October 2008.
Don't get me wrong, I love my new life and my new job and my new town and my husband more than anything.
But my family has been there for a long time and we are all very close and have been through so very much together and apart. There's bonds that will never be broken no matter how far apart we are.
My poor husband is afraid he'll be left out when we go visit. I wish he wouldn't worry. He just doesn't understand the need for reconnecting to my roots and family. The love that swirls around. I hope he can feel part of it and enjoy it as much as we all do.

Happy Canada Day !

History of Canada Day;

http://www.razzledazzlerecipes.com/canada/history.htm

Canada day recipes;

http://www.razzledazzlerecipes.com/canada/index.htm


Canada means so much to me. Especially since I no longer reside there. All of my family still lives there. I grew up in a small town in Ontario. It is one of the most beautiful areas of the country that I have been to.
I have driven across Canada; from Ontario to British Columbia. It is an amazing wonder to behold.
There are so many areas that I would still love to visit and hope to one day.

Happy Canada Day to all of my family and friends and fellow bloggers !

looking for another job

So I just got laid off from my new job.
The company lost thier biggest customer (losing 50% of their revenue) and had to let over 20 people go.
I'm the newest employee with just me in my area, so I was called this morning.
Unless I can generate enough revenue to cover at least my pay, I won't be getting called back.
So out go 20 resumes today to see what I can find.
I do hope to secure a job soon. I really liked this company and the people there. It was my comfort zone.
The money was already getting tight with just my husband's income. I was out of work for 17 months and back to work for only 2.
Wish and hope and pray I find something soon. I feel bad for the company.
I feel bad for all the people with no jobs. It's hard out there.

I am such a hard working and loyal employee. I wish there was some test to measure this and show companies this.
I am so many valuable things .... when do I get 'mine' ?!?

Balanced Brained

After filling out a quiz on which side of the brain I use, I got these results;

Balanced-brained people are mentally ambidextrous. They know how to rely on the right or left hemisphere of their brain depending upon the situation.
However, because balanced-brained people have so many options available to them when solving problems, they often have a hard time coming up with one clear solution. Sometimes, the obvious answer isn't always there.

This is so true.

I am quite ambidextrous with several things that I do. I used to be able to write with both sides, but I am definitely out of practice. when it comes to crafts and sports, I use both. Same with calculators and cutting. It helps a lot to be able to use both hands at once.

I was just talking to my husband the other day about how I see both sides of any issue. I can see why both seem to be right from each point of view. I may feel towards one side over the other, but it is hard to choose because I can put myself in both sets of shoes and understand the realms.

I often have a hard time making decisions.

My feelings do get in the way of my brain. I feel too much and it clouds my judgement at times.

The brain is a magnificent thing; an amazing organ. The human brain is unique.

House Chores

Laundry

Dishes

Sweep

Dust

Make the bed

Clean

Tidy up

Put away

Mail

Food

Shop

Cook

Groom

Wash car

Weed garden

Mow lawn

Dry cleaning

Fertilize

Pet maintenance

Water plants

Vacuum

Garbage

~ ~ The list seems endless most days.

I try to look for the good. The 'thumbs-up' vs. the *sigh*.



I remember the days when I had to drive my laundry to the nearest mat and wait there with strangers. Waiting for machines; making sure you have enough coins; going out in the cold miserable weather.
~ Now I can throw a load in and get back to work on other things in the meantime.

We have a dishwasher. I personally prefer to wash by hand, but that is time consuming. The dish washer is a great friend to have on hand. For the dishes that must be hand-washed I catch up on some TV while doing them and the time flies by.

As for house cleaning; music makes me move and enjoy it more. I put on something that I really love listening to and sing along or dance my way through the chores.

These are things that we will have to do for the rest of our days (unless you strike it rich and want to pay someone to do it for you). You may as well try to enjoy it and make the best of it all. Look at the upside and be happy that you are able to do these things that some people are unable to. It's the small things in life that count the most.

As I look around my home and work on the chores I am thankful for all that I have. Thankful that I get to live in such a beautiful house and have such nice things to dust. I am very lucky and I take pride in being able to clean and dust and make my house a wonderful home.

POEM 'Your Mother is Always With You'

Your mother is always with you...
She's the whisper of the leaves
as you walk down the street.

She's the smell of bleach in
your freshly laundered socks.

She's the cool hand on your
brow when you're not well.

Your mother lives inside
your laughter. She's crystallized
in every tear drop...

She's the place you came from,
your first home.. She's the map you
follow with every step that you take.

She's your first love and your first heart
break....and nothing on earth can separate you.

Not time, Not space...
Not even death....
will ever separate you
from your mother....

You carry her inside of you....

- Author Unknown.

A Tale; A Story; A Life

Chapter 1: the Beginning

Once upon a time there was a girl who left her home on an adventure. She travelled quite a distance and was looking forward to some new things. The need for a job arose, in order to pay for food and rent, so she ventured into an offer where she met an incredible boy. The feelings were strong and unexpected; she tried her hardest to push them aside. Eventually the girl and boy got closer and enjoyed each others company immensely. Much time was spent together, and they were happy.

Chapter 2: the Sadness

After a time, things became difficult for the girl and boy. People were talking behind their backs, saying mean things. Some were mis-treating the girl. She did not understand. She wanted to leave her job and venture somewhere else for financial support. Big trouble was brewing for the couple, so they decided to part. There was much sadness and confusion. People still talked and treated the girl with dis-respect. She was very dis-heartened.

Chapter 3: the Parting

After some more time, the boy was sent away. The girl carried on, but she was very unhappy in her position. She decided to return to the home that she loved and was familiar with. She packed up her belongings and started her trek back to her family and friends. She was feeling much happier than she had for some time.

Chapter 4: the Rekindling

After more time passed, the girl really missed the boy. The boy had remained in contact with the girl. They both realized that they still cared deeply for one another and decided to try being together again. After much discussion the girl decided to go to the boy to start a new life together. She left home for another adventure.

Chapter 5: the Happiness

More time passed, as it often does, and the girl and boy became wife and husband. They were very happy and made a life for one another that they could've never imagined. They think back to the hard times they had and are glad that they could overcome the obstacles and be more happy than they ever thought possible.

The End

My body is changing

So I'm in my 30's now and my life has changed so much thoughout the years. Wasn't sure of where I would be or what I would be doing. I just kind of go with the flow and see what comes.

My jeans don't fit me anymore.
My weight is more than I would like it to be.
I miss going to yoga class. I need to walk more.

My face is changing. I can see the aging process working it's magic. I'm not sad. It's just a change that I have to get used to. It's almost kind of interesting. I look the same, but different.
My hair feels different.
My skin is also different than it was.
The wonders of life and the human body.

I can't eat some of the foods that I used to.
But I suppose my mind has also changed over the years. The way I think about things. The way I react. The way I feel.
Learning. Growing. Knowing.

It's quite extra-ordinary. I like being a witness to my life.

Insomnia

I love to sleep. It is a luxury. I like to get 8 hours or more each night. I love falling asleep when you are so tired that you can’t wait to relax your body in your comfy bed. The feeling when you are just falling asleep and your mind is sort of awake but drifting away from reality. I love when you get to sleep in and you keep waking up and falling back – in and out of consciousness….bliss.

*sigh*

Then there is the other end of the spectrum for me. I’ve always had trouble with the getting to sleep part of bedtime. Unless I am utterly exhausted and my body gives in I can sometimes lay awake for hours trying to drift off. I lay in bed with my brain running around in circles and jutting off into branches of thoughts that plague me constantly. I have several things that I try to make me tired so I can fall into sleep as soon as possible. I read one of the several books that I have on the go, or I work on puzzles. I have tried listening to soothing music or sounds to make me feel calm and relaxed. The odd thing about music is that I cannot fall asleep with it on. I am a very light sleeper and need absolute quiet. Being a light sleeper may have it’s advantages, but when the dog next door barks in the middle of the night, I wake up. When my husband turns over or gets up in the night, I wake up. If there is a ticking clock in the room I have to move it or will not be able to sleep. Noisy cars outside have woken me up in the past, but we live in a nice quiet neighbour hood so it’s not a problem lately. Sleepy time tea is far better than dark tea to drink at night, but then I have to go to the bathroom to relieve myself. I have tried doing stretches or exercises to wind down my body, but most of the time I forget. Once I am in bed and comfortable, I don’t want to get up to do anything.

But the insomnia that I have suffered for several years comes and goes. Sometimes I will go through a few nights of just not sleeping for very long. A few hours here and there. It can last for days or weeks, and can get very difficult to concentrate during the day during that time. I have wandered around the house a few times just not knowing what else to do. I’ve read so much on the subject, and some of the remedies do help. The RLS is what gets me the most. When my legs won’t stop moving and I can’t find a comfortable position to lay in, it gets really frustrating. I don’t want to toss and turn all night and keep my husband from getting a good night sleep, so I usually get up and go to the other room. It’s when my legs actually hurt and nothing I do will make them stop hurting. I wonder if something is wrong with me. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does it is painful and hard to deal with. I have researched RLS and read a lot of material on it.

The brain not shutting off is probably the worst insomnia causer. If something is happening in the near future, I will worry or analyze or think it to death. I try to use mantras to get my mind off of things that I should think about in the morning, instead of late at night. Why worry about something that you can’t do anything about at the time? It’s a waste of energy. Plus you are losing valuable sleep time for your body to rejuvenate itself. I have always wished that I had a ‘shut off’ button for my brain. Perhaps I would forget to turn it back on though? Pros and cons to this idea for sure. Maybe a ‘stop thinking so much’ button for when I need to rest and relax. Meditation works well, but I find that having someone else walk me through the meditation works best. I suppose I could download some meditations and put them on a CD to listen to at night. That sounds like a good idea.

When I can sleep and don't suffer from insomnia it is bliss.

Now I just have to deal with the snore monster who sleeps beside me !

Family Tree

I've been working on a family tree for some time now. I've been dusting off the old cobwebs in many people's minds to gain more information.
It amazes me how much family you actually never meet or have contact with.
It is also quite wonderful how many people you consider 'family' when they are not even related to you through any bloodlines whatsoever. But you still consider them to be closer than most blood relatives.
Family is a wonderful thing to behold. Everyone's is different. Everyone has problems. Family is family.
I think about the old 'you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your relatives...’ It makes me laugh. I am a very tolerant person of faults. Mostly because I know all of mine and admit to them with pride. The faults that I am not proud of are the ones I work on and try to overcome, but some are just part of me and will not be altered.
I've heard many stories about some of my relatives, and I don't use any of that info to judge them. I try not to judge anyone in this world. We are each our own to fight with ourselves. We do the best that we can at the time of doing it. We all have good and evil inside of us - we are the ones who choose which to use most of.

But back to family tree stuff.... it excites me to be doing this. The more I find out the more I want to learn. The many branches are interesting, and as siblings get married and other families join our world, the branches just keep growing. This tree is getting quite large and it's a beautiful tree. It's such a great hobby to have, and so many people are thankful for me asking the questions and dusting off their brains cobwebs, and remembering that we have lots of family. Even the ones that are no longer with us.... they are all important. They have all touched us in some way, even if not directly. They are all a part of who we are. We should be thankful for every one of them.
I know that I couldn't ask for a better family!

Free Hugs - Hugs are Healing

http://www.freehugscampaign.org/

A hug is like a boomerang - you get it back right away. ~Bil Keane (Family Circus)

You can't wrap love in a box, but you can wrap a person in a hug. ~Unknown

A hug is a handshake from the heart. ~Unknown

Hugs grease the wheels of the world. ~Unknown

Oh, I love hugging. I wish I was an octopus, so I could hug 10 people at a time!

~Drew Barrymore

A Hug Is Two Hearts Wrapped In Arms ~Unknown

They invented hugs to let people know you love them without saying anything. ~Bil Keane

A hug is two hearts wrapped in arms. ~Author Unknown

We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth —Virginia Satir, family therapist

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

There's something in a simple hug
That always warms the heart;
It welcomes us back home
And makes it easier to part.

A hug's a way to share the joy
And sad times we go through,
Or just a way for friends to say
They like you 'cause you're you.

Hugs are meant for anyone
For whom we really care,
From your grandma to your neighbour,
Or a cuddly teddy bear.

A hug is an amazing thing -
It's just the perfect way
To show the love we're feeling
But can't find the words to say.

It's funny how a little hug
Makes everyone feel good;
In every place and language,
It's always understood.

And hugs don't need new equipment,
Special batteries or parts -
Just open up your arms
And open up your hearts.

Jill Wolf

I will not play Tug O' War,
I'd rather play Hug O' War;
Where everyone hugs, instead of tugs,
And everyone giggles and rolls on the rug.
Where everyone kisses,
and everyone grins;
everyone cuddles,
and everyone wins.
~Shel Silverstein

"Hugging is healthy: it helps the body's immunity system, it keeps you healthier, it cures depression, it reduces stress, it induces sleep, it's invigorating, it's rejuvenating, it has no unpleasant side effects, and hugging is nothing less than a miracle drug.

Hugging is all natural: it is organic, naturally sweet, it has no pesticides, no preservatives, no artificial ingredients, and is 100% wholesome.

Hugging is practically perfect: there are no movable parts, no batteries to replace, no periodic check-ups, has low energy consumption, high energy yield, is inflation-proof, non-fattening, has no monthly payments, no insurance requirements, is theft-proof, non-taxable, non-polluting, and is, of course, fully refundable."

-- Sharon Lindsey --

A HUG

No moving parts, no batteries.
No monthly payments and no fees;
Inflation proof, non-taxable,
In fact, it's quite relaxable;
It can't be be stolen, won't pollute,
One size fits all, do not dilute.
It uses little energy,
But yields results enormously,
Relieves your tension and your stress,
Invigorates your happiness;
Combats depression, makes you beam,
And elevates your self esteem!
Your circulation it corrects
Without unpleasant side effects
It is, I think, the perfect drug:
May I prescribe, my friend,....the hug!
(and of course fully returnable!)

- author unknown

Hugging is good medicine. It transfers energy, and gives the person hugged an emotional boost. You need four hugs a day for survival, eight for maintenance, and twelve for growth. A hug makes you feel good. The skin is the largest organ we have and it needs a great deal of care. A hug can cover a lot of skin and gives the message that you care. It is also a form of communication. It can say things you don't have words for. The nicest thing about a hug is that you usually can't give one without getting one.

-- Author Unknown

HUGGING

It's wondrous what a hug can do.
A hug can cheer you when you're blue
A hug can say, "I love you so,"
Or, "I hate to see you go."
A hug is "Welcome back again."
And "Great to see you! Where 'er you been?"
A hug can soothe a small child's pain
And bring a rainbow after rain.
The hug, there's just no doubt about it --
We scarcely could survive without it!
A hug delights and warms and charms;
It must be why God gave us arms
Hugs are great for fathers and mothers,
Sweet for sisters, swell for brothers;
And chances are your favorite aunts
love them more than potted plants.
Kittens crave them, puppies love them,
Heads of states are not above them.
A hug can break the language barrier
And make your travel so much merrier.
No need to fret about your store of 'em;
The more you give, the more there are of 'em.
So stretch those arms without delay
And give someone a hug today!

- Dean Walley

Hobbies

My husband tells me that I have too many hobbies.
"Why don't you finish one before you start another?" he asks.
He just doesn't understand the way I work. I have several hobbies because I can't just stick with one.
I know it is terrible of me to have so many projects almost-done, but the fun in having so many things to work on is that you are never bored. I finished the quilt for the living room and the matching pillow cases, and the bird cage cover.
Now we have a new bird cage that needs a new cover. And the spare room quilt is only half-done. And the Xmas present of an embroidered scene stills needs some outlining completed and then framing. And the pictures aren't hung in the craft room yet, and, and, and....
The main point of hobbies is to pass the time. Sure, it's great to have completed things like quilts, and scarves and nice pictures to hang, but the main joy I get is in the creation process, not the completion. I like to work on several things at once, then as you complete items, you still have more fun to work on!
I haven't painted much. But I love to sew and crochet and other things. I just taught myself how to crochet granny squares last week. So of course now I want to make a granny square project ! Went out and bought some yarn this past weekend, and can't wait to start this week. But what about the slippers I never started for myself? And what about the painting I need to finish and mail off to my friend? And here we go all over again.
I also have a few books I am reading at one time and never get through. My mind craves so many different things at once, that it is difficult to fully satisfy it. I want to write and colour and draw and bake .... I want to do so much more.
I love to plant so I spent the weekend re potting some plants and starting new ones. Planted some seedlings for fresh herbs and excited to watch them grow and them enjoy their flavours. I like to keep busy.

Is it healthy or not to have so many hobbies?

Starting the Garden

This weekend we started working on our garden.

It was so beautiful and warm (63F 18C)



We bought paint for our planters boxes. I planted a big barrel of fresh herbs. Rosemary, leeks, parsley, cilantro, oregano and basil. We tilled composted manure into half of our garden, then covered it with black material to rest. We working on getting the soil much better for next year. It's not great soil right now. We will fill out planters boxes next weekend with soil, compost and vegetables.

We had paint left over so decided to paint out 2 bird houses, which we dull and faded wood. I hope that the birds like them ! I dug up some old plants that came with the house. I don't see the point in having prickly vines that don't grow any flowers. Our rose plant did so well last year that I would like to plant a rose garden behind the house. So beautiful.

I am also starting some fresh herbs inside the house. The smell is wonderful and we use lots of herbs for cooking so the more the merrier.


I am so excited. I don't know much but am learning and enjoying the experience. I hope that my garden does well in the future. Last year we had tomatoes and peppers, but the over abundance of rain ruined a lot of our plants. Lets see what the raised beds do this year and hope for the best.

My Life is Wonderful

I am so grateful for the life that I live. Sometimes I miss people or things from the years passed, but the past is gone, and we must live in the moment. At least I experienced thos things and met those people; fond memories can be cherished. I look forward to experiencing new things and meeting new people. I look forward to every day with my wonderful husband.

I may not be doing what I thought I would with my life. I had dreams and hopes and goals and aspirations when I was younger. Things change. Nothing is what you expected it to be.

I never thought I would get married, but then I met someone who I can't live without, and my ideas changed.

I never thought I would move to another country, but that's the way things unfolded and I am very happy where I am living. I have a beautiful home in a perfect little city. There is so much to see and do. I wouldn't have gotten to see this place had we not moved here.

I never thought that I would lose my mother so early in life. And I never thought that I would miss her as much as I do. It makes me grateful to know that I loved/love her that much. I apprecite knowing her as long as I did, and learning as much as I could from her.

I never thought that I could 'grow up' and conquer my depression. All those years of hard work and research really helped me find control and accept who I am. With that knowledge, I have been able to help others with their mental issues. I'm no expert, but I do have first hand experience, and am grateful to share any advice to help others stop suffering.

I never thought that I could be as happy as I am today. I had such a cloud of sadness over my head for so many years, that I never thought it would go away. It proves to me that you can never give up. You can be happy and healthy and grateful. I try to look for the good in everything and everyone. It's there. It may not seem to be at first, but it is always there.

Life is wonderful.

I couldn't ask for anything better.

Valentine's Day

I'm not one of those tyical girls who need anything for V-day, except to hang out with the love of my life. And that's what I got to do. Exchange of silly cards back and forth in the morning. I actually got school-type valentines for him, he got me sweet and funny cards. I made him a braclet out of embroidery thread.

We went to the Zoo. We are both Tigers in Chinese Astrology, and Feb 14 was Chinese New Year 2010, Year of the Tiger. We decided to visit out tigers at the zoo. It was a beautiful day. Quite warm and sunny, but brisk. Walked around for hours and enjoyed outselves immensely. After some food shopping, we went home and I got my favourite lunch: Eggs Benny. Paul makes the best !

Watched some Olympics, and had BBQ drumsticks with grilled asparagus, corn on the cob and green beans with carrots, almondine style. Beautiful day, wonderful meal, excellent company.

I love my life.

Why can't I just paint again ?

My art work is null and void. I use to be so inspired. I used to be able to just sit in front of a canvas and create from my own mind. I really enjoyed painting and creating new things. I feel like I have lost my abiblities. My will to create new ideas is lost. I still enjoy sketching but I need to look at others work to get ideas. I have so many other hobbies that have made up for my lost time in front of the easel, but it's not the same. Do I just sit down and make myself paint? Do I drop all of my other hobbies so the only thing I can do is paint? When I took an art class oh so many years ago, I was feeling the same sort of funk. As the class went on I felt inspired and created so many wonderful things. I could paint again ! Perhaps I should take a class to get my momentum/motivation flowing....

Am I no longer the artist that I once thought I was, or wanted to be? Time to look at more options....

wonderful life

I am so grateful for the life that I live.
Sometimes I miss people or things that I used to do but that is the past.
At least I experienced those things and have the fond memories of....
I look forward to experiencing new things and meeting new people.
I look forward to everyday with my wonderful husband.
Laughing at old funnies, or finding new ones to enjoy.
Life is wonderful.
I couldn't ask for anything better.

ramble

So now the task of writing ... time to empty my head with the many ramblings that seems to cloud any reason or organized process. I know that is why I talk a lot and can change subjects so quickly without blinking or thinking. Rambling is an easy task for me ... I wish there was a job out there to pay me for rambling; but then I would most likely have nothing to say.

I wake up every morning thinking about the fathom of dreams that have plagued me throughout the night, assessing them and trying to understand what brought them about. Sometimes trying desperately to forget them, especially the scary ones. At times I remember to write them down, but mostly I just think and then forget them. The dreams are all so scattered and make no sense most of the time. Perhaps I should write them down and make short stories of them...? Definite idea there. Another task that I will push to the back burner. Who knows how long I will actually use this blog? I will attempt to keep it going, but my mind wanders and needs several stimulants to keep it's attention. That is why I have so many hobbies. I stick with one for a while, then lose interest and start another. My mother had that habit. Flowing from one thing to another ....

I always want to learn more and more. You cannot learn everything that is offered in this world. No human would ever have the time in their one life to know everything there is to know. It seems that my brain is not fillable, but why can't I remember anything? Perhaps I don't retain enough and it keeps emptying out and that is why I feel the need to fill it back up again? Sounds like pure craziness to me ...? Hmmmm

The mind ... thoughtsneverstoppingalwaysrunningwhereistheshutoffvalve?!?

What do I need to get done today ? What would I like to do ? Where is that thing I was looking for ? Gee, that looks dirty. I should clean. I like the way that material looks. What project should I work on today ? When can I finish those books I was reading ? This tea tastes great. Gotta check emails. Would like to go for a walk. It's nice and quiet. Got some bills to pay. What should I make for dinner ? Is that a bug on the wall ? The plants need watering. The birds are so playful. That shower felt great. Would like to exercise today. My skin is dry. I miss my mommy. I love my house. Will I ever find a job ? and so forth and so on and yateta yateta

What about the thoughts that just find themselves in my brain? Who put them there? I have not idea where a lot of them come from. Too many movies, or books?
Someone I met years ago put an idea in my head regarding all of these thoughts that consume me. This person is intuitive with the non-living (ghosts) and can sense and see things that others cannot. I'm not sure what I believe, but I find it very interesting. She told me at that time, that I have several ... entities/ 'spirits' - whatever you want to call them - around me. When I lived in an apartment that I shared with my cousin, there was lots of commotion going on all of the time - movement, talking, shuffling, etc. After I moved out, she said it was so quiet and empty. It makes me wonder ... do I have spirits following me around ? I have sensed things before....
but that is another topic for another day !